I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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