I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
