At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
