Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am available for nakedness
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
