Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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