Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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