Your face is a jimmy john
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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