It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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