I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
