Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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