Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
