I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
