see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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