If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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