it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
