My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
