OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
