Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
