their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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