I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
