I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
