Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
