So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
