last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Too much gin, very little bucket
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
