She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
