Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
