it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
