I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
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Semen is not good for contacts.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
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Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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