I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
