Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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