just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's blow job season.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
