I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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