you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
