when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
