When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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