your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
