I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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