you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
