So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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