i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
