i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
