So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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