Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
