I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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