bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
