The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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