day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
