At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
