So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
