what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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