I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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