could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize