Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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