do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Life is so much better after having sex.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
40s are totally the cure
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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