so that wasnt chicken after all
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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