How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
