my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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