Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
