it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
