if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
