think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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