So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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