you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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