I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
