so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
