Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
