i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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