The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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