my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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