she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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