You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
