There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
