that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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