What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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