Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
