I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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