I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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