remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
