Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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