you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
