I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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