shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
