she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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