no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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